Choosing your summer open houses

It seems that this time of year I reflect back on doing summer open houses – I wrote a REM piece last August on this very subject.

I suppose this might be due to the perfect storm of being cooped up at an open house in a hot old home with no air conditioning, on a record setting high temperature day. That day stands out in my memory, even after all these years away from hosting the event. I’m sweating like a yak just thinking about it.

This memory got me to thinking that perhaps (despite demands and pleas from clients) an agent should be able to choose the best possible home in which to do an open house during those hot August days (apologies to Neil Diamond).

Here are a few suggestions:

1. It goes without saying – but I will anyhow – ONLY agree to host an open house in a home that has air conditioning. DO NOT fall for that frantic phone call from a client suggesting that someone has walked in from off the street and has decided to make an all-cash offer ONLY at that very moment. When you arrive to put that “deal” together, the clients will already be packed and sitting in their car for a trip to the lake, having posted on an electronic boulevard bulletin board two eight-hour tour sessions Saturday and Sunday.

2. All things being equal, agree firmly and resolutely to only host open houses in homes that have pools. Sure, that’s not really a selling feature, but the “back in 30 minutes” sign that you can tape on to the front door should allow just enough time to dry your hair after a quick dip between showings.

3. In my perfect world, I would open house a four-star seafood buffet restaurant that was for sale through me or a commercial real estate sales colleague. The world-class, fresh from the boat restaurant would be required to have their buffet selections open and available for consumption during the showing period. Ensure that you have brought along that Back in 30 minutes sign again for this situation. You know, it may be a good idea to laminate that puppy.

4. Ideally, the large-screen movie room in your featured listing will have some sort of alarm system triggered by the front doorbell. Bring your own napkins in case there is too much butter on the popcorn, or you spill your super-sized diet soda. If you have been out late the night before, it may be prudent to watch the screening standing up rather than reclined in the darkened room.

5. Are there any remote waterfront cabins in your listing inventory, accessible only by boat or helicopter? Why not? Maybe a houseboat home that accidentally slips from its mooring? Co-list a Caribbean yacht charter enterprise if you can?

6. While you may live to regret it the next morning, it could be fun to do an open house in a distillery that produces a wide variety of products. A distillery that doesn’t have too strict an inventory policy, or much of an accounting process. Depending on how much sampling you can do, you way want to scribble “Back in 8 hours” over that laminated notice.