Dan St. Yves: If superheroes became real estate agents

Some folks start their real estate careers right out of college or university, bringing enhanced skillsets straight into their new role. Other folks decide to get into the business a little later in life, perhaps adding a blend of life experience and diverse business insights to their role.

When you’ve spent a lifetime fighting crime, or battling super-villains with your own unique superpowers, does that give you an advantage or disadvantage in the real estate business?

Aquaman:

Newspaper Ad #64: “I specialize in waterfront homes and even more specifically, underwater homes! Enjoy extreme privacy and quiet in one of my modern submarine dwellings, just a short commute back to the surface and mainland! Also, considerable experience with aquariums, water-towers, lighthouses and wharves.”

The Fantastic Four:

Sign on office building door: “We regret to inform our clients that The Fantastic Four will be closing their real estate practice, referring their clients to the very honest and most trustworthy Captain America. While Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic) had a distinct advantage stretching to various floors to showcase features of homes, Sue Storm often scared clients by turning invisible at inopportune times before re-appearing suddenly once clients had forgotten she was there. Johnny Storm has recently developed a lingering issue with shooting bolts of flame whilst simply pointing, and The Thing continues to inadvertently crush lockboxes and door entries, having no apparent subtlety. We thank you for your (almost) year of trust and consideration…”

Superman:

Mail-walk advertisement sent to geographical farm: “Dear residents of Smallville and surrounding area: I feel I must apologize for the disruption caused at my last open house, what with Lex Luthor unleashing a Kryptonite meteor shower and General Zod leading an army of renegade Kryptonians bent on securing my demise. While it was fortunate that several Kryptonians liked my listing so much that we put together a successful offer on the property, this sort of distraction can be disconcerting, I will agree. However, for results that are faster than a speeding bullet, call me today for your own free market evaluation!”

Thor:

Billboard ad: “Mortals, allow me to hammer out your next purchase and move you into your own personal Valhalla! I am The Wonder Of Thunder and by Odin, I’m anxious to get you moving. Call today!”

Wonder Woman:

(Overheard after multiple showings to chronically indecisive buyers): “I am going to ensnare you now in my Lariat Of Truth Mr. and Mrs. Jones, until I can elicit an honest answer as to why we are still not able to find a home that suits your needs. This invisible plane is NOT cheap to toodle around in!”

The Incredible Hulk:

(In the sales office pitch, ahead of taking on new clients): “Hulk happy to work with you, but Hulk not like to take too long looking at houses. Hulk get irritable and Hulk get angry. You not like Hulk when he angry. You buy house FAST, or Hulk may turn you into ground beef! So, you like bungalow or three-level split?”

Batman:

Ad: “Caves! We got caves of all shapes and sizes! Hang your batarang in a breezy new space today – or you’ll drive me batty!”

Spiderman:

Ad: “Sure, I prefer to spin my webs in dark corners, but I’ll sell you the whole darn home that goes with those nooks and crannies! Call now and I’ll swing by – let’s talk!”