Ho Ho Ho!
Well, hello boys and girls and welcome to today’s instalment of Letters to Santa. Over the last few weeks I’ve shared recent mail we’ve received here at The North Pole from firefighters, nurses, lawyers and kids just like yourselves.
Today, I’ll share some from Realtors across the land. Make sure you have plenty of warm cookies and milk and please – leave some leftovers for ole Santa! Ho Ho Ho!
Cookies, I mean – drink your milk boys and girls!
“Dear Santa,
This Christmas, could you please make my latest listing sell before the new year? I’ve had it on the market for two years, and the last time I went to do an open house, the owners had changed the locks. Please and thank you, Santa!”
Ho Ho Ho! Well, this fella could certainly use a break. Maybe we’ll see if any of the elves need a summer home. Keep your fingers crossed Long Listing Larry!
“Dear Santa,
I know that I’m probably a little long in the tooth to be asking a jolly old fat man for gifts at this time of year, but I would really like to get one of those fancy MKZ sedans that Matthew McConaughey drives in those TV commercials. It really makes me smile when he laughs and wheezes in that back seat! I’ll bet it would make my clients feel really good too! Thanks in advance, Kris Kringle!”
Ho Ho Ho! Well, you know if I wasn’t so jolly, I’d be inclined to show you a little something about karate that an “old fat man” is still capable of doing… Instead, yes, yes – old jolly Saint Nick will just leave a pile of Lincoln logs under your tree, and not a Lincoln on the driveway! Maybe a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People could come in handy as a stocking stuffer…would you mind hanging one upside your head this year?
“Dear Santa,
Hey, how’s it going Father Christmas? I was hoping you might be able to find a way to improve my negotiating skills this year. I could really stand to become stronger in that department, and you’re help would be much appreciated in that regard. Stay cool, bro!”
Ho Ho Ho! Well, “bro” – two things – it’s “your” (who did you think mans the grammar police social media accounts 364 days a year?). Second, don’t “your” local real estate boards offer any continuing education? For Pete’s sake, I visit millions of homes over one night all around the world, all you need to do is Google “The Art of The Deal!”
“Dear Santa,
I’ve had a great year, in a very busy market! I can’t think of a single thing I would ask you for, aside from peace, goodwill and love to all! Have a very merry Christmas, Santa!”
Well bust my suspenders, and call me Beardy!
Looks like you get yourself a Lincoln, Mr. Humility! You may never sit in the back seat – but maybe you should! Ho Ho Ho!
And to all of you, best wishes for the holiday season, and a prosperous 2018 to everyone!
Humour columnist and author Dan St. Yves was licensed with Royal LePage Kelowna for 11 years. Check out his website at danstyves.com.
