We’ve all done it. Typed the wrong numbers into the wrong space on the listing, hit “send,” and then realized we screwed up. But sometimes we miss the obvious listing bloopers. Like this Ottawa listing where the good news is that property taxes will be coming down. The bad news is it’s going to take a while. “Taxes $2015/ 5304.”
Then there are those typos that cause unintentional giggles. “Regina Realtor” was sent listing instructions that said “appointments are a must as a god has to be let outside.” Imagine the hail and brimstone if you didn’t comply with those directions. And I worry about letting cats out. Crikey.
I saw a listing this week that featured a “Bright kitchen with breakfast bar, espresso cabinetry and mosaic tile backslash.” Ouch.
Catherine Swift of Royal LePage Team Realty in Stittsville ran across one that referred to “panty drawers in the kitchen.” Now there’s a multi-purpose space – you can store your undies and your linguini in one convenient drawer! She also mentioned seeing a listing that was “as cute as a bottom.” (I sure hope it wasn’t the same one. Those are pictures I can do without.)
On the topic of clothing, here’s another one I saw this week: “This spacious open-concept home offers a legal granny suit.” Now my granny used to wear dresses and I never asked her if they were legal or not, but I honestly don’t think that’s much of a selling point, do you?
(The listing for that same property, by the way, refers to it having “hen and chicken coupes” and a four-car garage. Phew! Now, whether those birds can actually drive those sports coupes into the garage is a whole other matter, but those are pics I’d love to see.)
Sometimes we mess up because of errant punctuation. Like this brand new Ottawa listing that includes a “finished loft-man cave!” Holy panties in a drawer, Batman, watch out – it’s Loft-Man!
Then there’s this unintentional gem: “Plenty of guest parking; suitable for single family or shared accommodation.” Now a parking lot that can hold a couple of families is pretty impressive, although unless it’s covered parking, I think I’d rather put my guests up somewhere that has a roof. And maybe walls. Unless I don’t want them to come back, in which case the guest parking sounds perfect.
Sometimes parking comes with other perks, as in this recent Ottawa listing: “Heated underground parking with a car wash bay, new dishwasher.” I love that you can wash your car as well as your pots and pans in the garage, but I’d prefer to have the dishwasher in the kitchen.
Occasionally the problem is awkward wording: “Beach house right on water with full bath, kitchen and dining area on river.” Hmm. Since I’m not much of a swimmer, I’d feel more comfortable if the house, and the main rooms, were on the ground.
Sometimes Realtors choose a word that just slightly misses the mark. I ran across this listing for a home with a “Well-Sized Living Room.” I can’t help visualizing a little bucket on a rope and wondering where you’d put the TV.
Rob Angus of Coldwell Banker Slegg Realty in Victoria saw a listing that advertised a “laundry shoot.” I guess that’s one way of dealing with the washing, but it seems a bit like overkill. Rob says you could hang your laundry on the line and blast away at it. Unless you had a “legal granny suit,” I suspect you’d need a permit.
Occasionally it’s the phrasing that’s a little awkward, for example, in this Ottawa listing: “Watch the sun rise, forest or tennis every morning on the 20-foot balcony or 11-foot wall of windows.” Watching tennis on an 11-foot window would be almost as good as seeing it on a big screen TV, although I’d love to know how they got that forest to grow on the balcony.
I saw another listing recently where the agent was very precise in her salesperson remarks: “A fireplace is not in the home.” Hmm. I wonder why. Maybe the last agent who showed the property let it out. Along with the cats. And the god.
And finally, I stumbled across this listing for an Ottawa home with an “open concept main living area with large bedroom and complimentary den/office.” Man, I would love to have a complimentary den, but then, wouldn’t we all? Me: “Do I look fat in this?” Den: “No, you look wonderful. That granny suit looks great. Love the hair.”
Peggy Blair is a sales representative with Royal LePage Team Realty in Ottawa. A former lawyer, she is the award-winning author of the Inspector Ramirez series published by Penguin Canada and Simon and Schuster Canada as well as internationally. Her most recent book, Umbrella Man, is now in bookstores.
