As we are smack-dab into cottage and cabin season, I thought I might offer up a few feature sheet lines, or ad copy for newer recreational property listings. Much has changed over the past 40 years or so, at least with respect to the campers we use on those properties.
Back when I camped with my parents as a kid, we’d spend our time in a humble travel trailer. Rather spartan, these could have been either a tent trailer or a more advanced option that even offered a toilet inside, along with a stove and fridge. I’ve experienced both of those options, as well as a wide variety of pop-up tents. To be honest, if I had enjoyed an evening dinner of corn-on-the-cob and baked beans, I’d opt for the trailer with restroom facilities inside every time.
But those charming getaway options for campgrounds are long since outdated, replaced by far more advanced “roughing-it” vehicles. I’ll describe a few here in some possible ad copy:
1) For sale: 1,500- sq.- ft. 5th Wheel, with a bonus unfinished drop-down basement. Enjoy the great outdoors with this streamlined home on wheels, featuring a butler’s pantry, sumptuous master ensuite, and a media/TV room that seats 10. Never run out of evening beverages if you keep the well-appointed wine cellar fully stocked and enjoy those beverages while viewing the evening stars from your roof-top hot tub! Call today!
2) For sale: Transformers RV, adapts to any camp site! Just like the movie franchise, the Transformers RV seems at first glance to be just like any other run-of-the-mill recreational vehicle. But once you’ve chosen the perfect campsite, settle back and watch this modern wonder unfold every luxury imaginable! Choose from options like a retractable waterslide directly into an adjacent lake, or boat launch for an afternoon of fishing from the 16-foot pontoon boat complete with dock. Raining? Who cares! Unwind with some friends in the optional bowling alley, or choose instead nine holes of miniature golf, free from precipitation. Give us your specs, and this Transformer will make you feel right at home out in the wild.
3) For sale: Pop-up Condo RV. Have you ever found yourself out camping on a long lonely weekend and wondered why you didn’t just stay at home in your warm little condo? Well, worry no more! Pop-Up Condo gives you the best of both worlds – an RV that hosts 10 additional apartment spaces, including a coin laundry where you can mingle with your fellow dwellers while keeping your bathing suit and hiking shorts refreshed. Features include intercom entry system that malfunctions after you order take-out, and a common shared exercise room untouched by human hands.
4) For sale (expressions of interest please!) Seniors Living Development Group is requesting expressions of interest for our latest property offering, a mobile seniors’ community for touring across the country. Our intent is to offer the same options any other camper enjoys but including the comfort and piece of mind afforded by our crackerjack medical team and senior living activity offerings. Enjoy weekends around an early afternoon bonfire and marshmallow roast well ahead of daily medications and turn-down service before dusk. Join a barbershop quartet that also just happens to provide barber services to fellow residents after a hearty set of old-time musical favourites! Sign up today, and trade in your shuffleboard table for croquet mallets!
Well, those are just a few options. I may opt to try my tent again this weekend just for old-times sake. Maybe in my backyard though, it’s hard to find a camping space for something like that anymore…
Humour columnist and author Dan St. Yves was licensed with Royal LePage Kelowna for 11 years. Check out his website at danstyves.com.
