All of my friends will both tell you that I do not care for going to lunch with potential customers or people who wish to sell me their services and products. I do my best not to go to business lunches or dinner meetings. I try to avoid sitting down for a meal with people I do not know well, even though I realize the point is to get to know them better during a luncheon or dinner. I am uncomfortable asking someone for business over food. I find myself trapped in my seat under bright lights trying to make a good impression so we can make a business transaction.

I have long admired sales professionals who are able to sit down with customers in a restaurant and charm them with jokes and clever conversation that steers them into business commitments. I wish I could do that but I can’t. I have tried to analyze my reluctance but time and again I come up blank on why I avoid it. I think I am shy but then I think I am not shy at all, at least not compared to most people I know. I have no problem approaching people I don’t know and talking to them at trade shows or in their offices and asking for their business. I will approach anyone and tell them how much I believe in REM and how passionate I feel about what we are doing, our commitment to delivering readers, telling them why they should buy advertising and suggesting outright that we do business. I pride myself with shaking someone’s hand and saying, “Here is my contract.”

But at a restaurant? At a table where we are having a meal together? I am uncomfortable doing that. I know there is a psychological reason for that – I mean there must be – but after all these years, I don’t think you’re going to be able to turn me around on this one. I would rather have coffee and talk to folks across a desk or just talk to people straight on without the worry of having to deal with what to order, what to drink, what fork to use and if we should order dessert.

I write all this because it is a quirk I have about breaking bread. I actually love meal times. I especially look forward to holiday gatherings with family and friends this time of year. There is nothing I enjoy more than spending time over a meal with people that I know well and love. Sometimes we laugh and love and cry all in the same evening at the same table. It is a remarkable time.

Some folks make such a fuss over observing the correct traditions and the “real meaning” of holiday meals that the genuineness of the gathering is lost in ridiculous observances. There are people who act with disdain toward those who celebrate just the simple collection of family regardless of why. For some, things have to be stiff and quiet, which may ruin the boisterous fun of shouting children as well as the laughter and the tears brought on by sweet memories. There are also some who can ruin a holiday meal gathering through excess. Loud laughter can be contagious and happy but sometimes it can also be cruel and mean, especially when fuelled by intoxicants. Sweet memories that bring a few tears should not become melancholic wails of anguish. The great danger of holiday meal time is always excess.

I look forward to the Christmas meal with my friends and family every year. I am often saddened by those who tell me that they will not be observing Christmas because their religion does not allow it or they are not comfortable with the people in their ken or they don’t want to be with their own family. I think to myself, come on it’s just a meal, you don’t have to participate in grace and you can pass on the toast if you want and you don’t even have to say Merry Christmas. Just sit down and let’s be family for a few hours. It won’t kill you.

It’s not like we’re going to do business.

Heino Molls is publisher of REM. Email [email protected].