Chances are you have regret in your life. No doubt there are some things that you would take back, if you could.

 

You may wish the opportunity could magically rise to roll back time and give you the chance to do so. We probably all have regret by the age of 30. We definitely have it at the age of 40. We have it irrefutably beyond the age of 50.

 

If you do not have regret, you are an extremely rare person. If you do not have regret, you may be a great liar, to yourself. And that is far worse than regret.

 

Whatever your regret is, it is likely that your perception has changed. Your regret has probably grown through the years. What you thought was okay before might have been due to being young and immature. What you did years ago is no longer okay with you today.

I once heard a line, from a movie I think, that said, “Regret builds character”.

 

It is a good line. I would take it even further by suggesting that the greater the regret, the greater the character it can create.

 

I do not mean a minor faux pas of saying the wrong thing at a social gathering or spilling a drink at a restaurant. I mean serious regret that for some people can be debilitating.

 

Regret for an opportunity missed. Perhaps regret for an opportunity that you passed on, but which turned out to be very important.

 

Maybe you passed by someone without helping them when you should have. Maybe you took advantage of someone in business, had an affair, or turned away from responsibility or family. It may be anything. Something that is personal to you and you alone.

 

The older we get, the greater our regret becomes. It becomes heavier to carry. At the end of the day, it is what we do with regret that creates real character.

 

Character comes when we face the fact that we cannot change what we did. When we realize that we cannot buy another chance. When we come to understand that we cannot make things better again. When we carry the truth that what was done cannot ever be changed. The damage will always be done. Character means genuine remorse. To live with that means character.

 

Character also comes when you gain understanding for others who may have made poor decisions. Character is condemning an act, but not necessarily the person who committed it. If you have character, you can and will extend sympathy to those who have remorse.

And most importantly, if you have character, you can forgive others.

 

By my reckoning, I am a good decent man. I go the extra mile for everyone. I give to the poor. I can be trusted with secrets. I will stand up for what is right. I will defend those who are persecuted. If you need me, I will come to your house and help you.

 

As good as I think I am, I have regrets. There are times when I feel that my knees are going to buckle from the weight of the mistakes I have made and must carry on my shoulders.

 

I bet you think that you are a pretty good person. I bet that you might even think you are a great person. But I bet you have some mighty heavy regrets as well.

 

So here is a bit of advice. We cannot change what was done yesterday but we can do our best to make things that are wrong today better tomorrow.

 

That is at least a reasonable consolation for our regret. I have a great confidence in the world. I think it is going to get better from all its problems. Not overnight. Probably not next year.

 

But eventually.

 

I think that the people who are going to fix things eventually are not necessarily going to be good and righteous people like we all expect them to be.

 

I think they are going to have character.

 

Heino Molls is publisher of REM. E-mail [email protected]  or discuss this article in the REM Discussion Forum.