When I was a younger lad (probably immediately after viewing the classic Walt Disney family film Mary Poppins) I thought that being a chimney sweep looked like an awful lot of fun. I could certainly see myself dressed up in a dapper suit and warbling a chorus or two of Chim Chim Cheree, whilst tap dancing and twirling an umbrella alongside dancing penguins. What I hadn’t considered back in my innocent youth, however, was that even if I ever had to sweep an actual chimney in real life, that particular process might end up being more than just a little bit filthy. My sweeping and dancing turned out to be just another dream doomed to languish upon adulthood.
Yes, those jovial, musical chimney sweeping plans of my youth became sidelined. And, like so many other people whose goals change during life’s progression forward, it is surprising to discover what endeavours instead begin to elevate your personal adrenaline levels. Funny enough though for me, it still involved sweeping…go figure! Case in point:
Yesterday, I bought a carpet broom. A Bissell PerfectSweep, no less. This has to be the least technologically advanced product since cavemen fashioned crude wooden clubs, but after trying it out yesterday, I am walking on air. At the very least, a vastly cleaner carpet!
This humble and entirely affordable household product (always looking for an endorsement deal, Bissell) is easily hand-assembled within seconds, and ready to go to work as soon as that simple assembly is completed. You can’t brag like that about your average shelving unit from IKEA – we’d never have clean floors if Sweden had designed hand vacuums!
With my freshly assembled carpet broom in hand, I roamed my living space, deftly manoeuvring between living room carpet and kitchen linoleum, hallway hardwood and even bathroom tile. Exactly as the packaging proclaimed, it worked on virtually every style of flooring. And without the distinctive sound similar to a jet airplane engine as generally endured while using a conventional vacuum, at least one as old as mine. The PerfectSweep was like a vacuum, but without the actual droning vacuum feature itself. Like a rolling Bounty paper towel, it was a quiet “quicker picker upper”!
Now, this simple carpet sweeper is just a humble appetizer in the buffet of home carpet cleaning products available. Friends of mine have recently purchased the absolute wonder of the vacuum world, the Dyson. One or two of them even own one of those fascinating “rollerball” models. Man, that would be like medieval jousting, or the Spartacus of indoor floor grooming!
Maybe I’ve been working from home a little bit too long.
Anyhow, it is a bittersweet discovery. I am thrilled with this new addition to our home, but saddened to note that rather than rappelling up one of the Great Pyramids of Egypt (there’s more than one, isn’t there?), I am given an exhilarating rush by pushing a glorified $40 lint roller along my floors.
Nuts! I think I may have just killed my endorsement deal there.
Humour columnist and author Dan St. Yves was licensed with Royal LePage Kelowna for 11 years. Check out his website at www.nonsenseandstuff.com, or contact him at [email protected].
